My bulimia is not going to win !

Every day I'm running the roads trying to win the war against this nasty biatch bulimia nervosa 

I actually thought it would be easier to keep you updated on my journey through my treatment but I was wrong 

Since posting my video on YouTube about my eating disorder iv had the craziest roller coaster of my life iv hit the lowest lows and there were days I didn't know how I was going to get through them 

To give you an idea of what's going on at the min my doctor doubled my medication about 5 weeks ago and to be honest it seems to have helped.

Iv now been with the eating disorder team for 4 weeks, having assessments done and I'm now having treatment called CBT  Cognitive behavioral therapy
Iv two weeks of this completed and the jury is out for the minuet on this I'll keep you posted when I figure out more 

Here is what I have to do every day

I record everything for one meal or snack I have to include the time of day, the place where I ate, was it planned or unplanned , was it a binge, did I vomit or use laxatives and the circumstances and emotions that were going on at the time 

This is an amazing guide for me I can see when I'm eating what I'm eating and I can also see the times when I am sick after eating and the emotions and situation that went with it 

 My plan is to do a 5 mile run this morning I'm just eating my banana at the minute in preparation but here are my eating rules that I have to live by and I just wish to god someone could have told me sooner 

I have a 3 3 3 rule !

Eating disorder plan sheet

I have to eat 6 times a day this includes 3 meals that must contain a carbohydrate  and a protien, 3 snacks, and I have to eat with in a 3 hour period, so I can't go any longer than 3 hours with out eating 

These rules have taken some of the craziness away from my eating and added a lot of structure and removed a lot of the guilt around food and eating, yesterday is an example of a bad day for me I kept nothing in my stomach yesterday and I had a lot of food ( that's another blog post ) but yesterday is gone I need to start my day with my run and have a balanced structured day and get back on track 

I do have really bad bad days, the bad days are a nightmare and the good days can be amazing I've had a lot of the happiest days of my life over the past 3 weeks and I'm loving life my family and my kids , they are my world and I need to keep strong for them the love I have for them is indescribable my heart could burst with happiness I love them that much .

If any of you are having a tough time take comfort in the fact that you are an individual and you are amazing and I really believe a lot of our struggles in life stem from not knowing who we are and wanting validation on who we are, but you know what screw it we are who we are  and go out and ! live your best life ! and be happy :)

have an amazing weekend 

Leanne x