Is my Eating Disorder specialist gonna kick my ass

Today's the day that i dread so much at the minuet

I don't want to go and see my  Eating Disorder specialist by the way i call her that as i don't know what other title to give her

In my last post i told you guys that i have to keep track of everything i eat times etc i forgot to mention i also have to keep track of my exercise routine

Any way to cut a long story short i have spiraled out of control since probably Thursday of last week and today is now Wednesday . I could actually see my mood changing from the Tuesday but i kept it together until Thursday and then all hell broke loose


I haven't Tracked or wrote down anything iv eaten from Sunday which i now have to do and try and fill in 3 days of eating which i actually want to forget about.. keeping track is so much easier when everything is balanced and I'm eating well .. i don't really want to note down all my slips and slides.. My ED specialist goes through my diary with a fine tooth comb, i feel like a naughty child at school being told off. And don't get me wrong this lady is lovely the fact that I'm such a perfectionist makes my downfalls harder to share

To be honest i don't want to do any more CBT treatment and that exactly how i feel in this moment and iv been feeling like that for the past 2 or 3 days . The thought of going gives me a sick tummy, and anxiety and these are feelings i could be doing with out Ill either come away from today's appointment hating it or it will give me the inspiration t start a new week fresh

Just to let you guys know its not all roses when ever treatment starts my mood can bowl me over and that's what it has done today iv lost all heart in my treatment and i 100% feel my time would be better spent going for another run

Please don't judge i know going to treatment is the right and proper thing to do but there is no point blogging when every thing is all rosy and light Bulimia Comes with really crappy days too

Any way wish me luck hopefully ill return home with a renewed sense of fight and strength for the week ahead .. ill defiantly return with a splitting headache lol its an intense hour and hopefully my ED specialist wont have to kick my ass for the crappy food and exercise diary i have kept ... Fingers crossed i can remember back as far as Sunday and what i ate other wise i might have to wing it lol gotta keep the humour :)

Ill leave you guys with one of my favourite quotes ever

Lee x